How to Figure Out Your Role in BDSM
Published: 2026-08-25
What feels more like you
Ask yourself: what brings you more joy — leading and making decisions, or relaxing and letting go? Picture a scene: are you in control, or handing control over? Which image resonates more?
Your answers don't have to be clear-cut. Many people are switches, and that's completely normal. Your role can shift from partner to partner, and change over time.
How to test it in practice
Take it slowly: start by discussing fantasies in messages and trying light verbal play in both roles. Then move on to simple practices where you can swap. That's how you'll learn what resonates most with you.
Don't rush to label yourself. A role isn't a passport — it's a way of relating to someone. The main thing is that the practice is enjoyable for both of you.
Where to see examples
On KinkMeet people list their role in their profiles — handy for reference. Dominants: Марго, Дмитрий. Submissives: Алина, Стас. Switches: Вероника, Денис. Have a read of how they describe themselves.
Messaging on KinkMeet is free. Sign up and write to members with no subscription and no charge for chats — start with the profiles that match your interests.